Then I Woke Up

Submitted by hayyache

I was at what started out as my work but quickly changed into a family dinner/reunion where I recognized a few people, then as i walk outside I realize I’m at a house party and everyone looks like strangers. I had been asked by my boss to write a referral for a Guy that was apllying but instead wrote a note saying that “J-rock” was not to be trusted. I put the note in my pocket and went outside. Once outside I was soon surrounded by Jrock and his trashy friends. I remember some old man asking for the letter from my boss, but having J and his crew there I was reconsidering. Alas as we stand around his garage the old man starts reading this note out loud. Thankfully it was night and as I heard jrock say “he ratted me out?!” I bolted in to the darkness I remember having to leave my new car behind and worrying about its condition upon my return.nextthing I knew My unkle Erik was giving me a ride home and headlights quickly approached as a lil black car passed us and immediately gave it the brakes. I told my uncle I may require some help dealing with these guys. As he pulled off the road the boxed us in perpendicular to the rear of my uncle’s SUV. Well Erik slowly accelerated ramming and flipping their car over. Next I remember being at my father’s. House my new car was in the driveway with a minor scratch on the hood, MT uncle had two dime sized raspberry rug burn marks from fighting even tho we never fought fist to cuffs. He looked at as if to say you owe me… Then I woke up.

Submitted by J. Hall

So there was a crowd and I remember thinking “We just need to get him out of there and then we’ll be done. Just pull him out.” I look down and there’s a disc shaped thing in front of me that looks like one of those beef making food dehydrators that Mr. Popeil used to sell early in the morning. It’s not one of those but it looks like one and there’s a baby inside and I’m surrounded by people in a parking lot and the sun is really bright but it’s not hot outside and I’m thinking “We just need to get him out of there and it’ll be over and everything will be better. Right?”

I reach out an pull the lid off thing and like I said there’s a baby inside but now he’s pissed off. He’s not just crying it’s more like I’ve angered the little alien that comes out of John Hurt’s chest in the dining room of the Nostromo crossed with one of those punk ass cartoon babies. I cant see him yet because he’s covered with some sort of membrane but I know it’s a baby and there’s no mistaking his mood but I’m still thinking “I just need to yank him out of there!” So I grab the membrane and tear it open to get him out and he sticks his head out. Now he’s REALLY pissed off and he looks at me and yells and he’s wearing big black mad scientist goggles pulled over his eyes and when he opens his mouth I can tell he’s got teeth. By now I’m thinking “What the hell was I thinking wanting this kid out of here?” I wish I could close the food dehydrator up again but I can’t find the lid so I ease myself back into the crowd of people hoping nobody will notice the pissed off baby in the food dehydrator with the big mad scientist goggles over his eyes…..

Then I woke up.

I had a dream I was washing the dishes in my house.  My girlfriend and her mother came up along my left side as I started to feel a bit high; a calm numbness crept up on me.  I smiled at the soap suds, turned and smiled at my girlfriend’s mother.  She said to my girlfriend, smiling, “the drugs must be working.”  I turned back to the dishes feeling a bit apprehensive as the narcotic effect grew and grew.  Had I been poisoned? No.  ”It must be the Xanax I took earlier,” I replied.  My girlfriend and her mother disappeared and I noticed a ring I hadn’t seen in a few years was on my left thumb.  I smiled in recognition.  Then the ring grew into a most ornate silver arm band, covering my thumb, wrist and hand with a pewter like material engraved with what can only be described as ancient glyphs.  At this moment I knew something was different from the waking world, but I was so caught up with the excitement, I let it continue.  The next thing I noticed was a bright shimmering coming from my sleeve.  I had magically donned a tightly sequined red blazer and the light was catching the sun.  I was ecstatic.  I began dancing in the light, waving my arms to watch the light dance off of my mystical coat.  At this point I knew I must be dreaming to be having such fantastical things happening in my lackluster kitchen.  So I began running through the house and before rounding each corner to the next room I would ask my dream consciousness to give me what all men desire when they lucid dream: someone with which to have sex.  I kept trying to manifest my lust when I laid upon our livingroom couch and gazed upon my blazer some more, waiting for my dream mind to obey my commands.

A loud hammering noise coming from outside begged my real-world self’s attention.

Then I woke up.

I had a dream last night I was at my first high school’s 15 year reunion all xanaxed and bourboned up.  It was funny and strange.  I was pointing out the weird off label whiskeys to the people standing around the makeshift (folding table) bar.  The bottles looked vintage, but they had names like “Red Meat.”  I remember being ushered around with one friend and seeing all these semi-familiar faces from middle school and freshman year before I moved away.  It was all a blur and I was feeling really loopy.

Next, I was across the street from my neighbor.  He was showing me how he was going to plant his veggies and protect them from the squirrels with a cage.  I looked over to the cage and saw these giant furry creatures, as big as monkeys, clawing at the cage.  I watched them for awhile and then exclaimed, those are some dangerous looking squirrels.  My neighbor and I then moved to the front of the yard and the squirrel apes, three of them, two males and one female, started rough-housing together.  My neighbor then told me he had adopted these animals.  At this point I was a bit confused and then I started getting a bit concerned as their rough-housing was a bit to close to me.  I then said my goodbyes and walked across the street to what seemed to be my house.  I immediately noticed a column of brick that was not normally their.  Something was off, I thought. “AH-HA! I must be dreaming!”  Once I thought that, I assumed I could start controlling my dream, as I have done in previous dreams where I realized I was dreaming, but I was hesitant only because I didn’t know what to do.  I mean, I could do anything, since I was using my dream imagination.  What to do?  I thought, well, if I can’t make up my mind, I’ll have dream sex.  That’s always a good option.  So I willed myself to find some dream personality and have some fun.  It turns out my dream mind didn’t want me to be awake in my dream and so I just ended up humping the mysterious brick column in front of my house.  At this point I was a little concerned, because I should be doing what I want now that I know I am dreaming.  I looked around and tried, several times, to will myself into a different place.  Nothing happened.  Then, all of a sudden, as if my dream mind had enough with my lucid dreaming tomfoolery, an old friend, incidentally from my second high school I attended, approached me holding a pillow.  He said something to the effect of “you need to stop this.”  I was deeply frightened.  I tried to will myself anywhere but at the humping column and the dream mind sentry, but to no avail.

Then I woke up. 

I was getting ready for my audition in The Planet of the Apes musical and I was having a bit of trouble with the mask. 

 It would get stuck to my face and I would have to pry it off to reposition it. This went on for ages. Finally, I get it on properly and the director comes by, shaking his head in disapproval. He just points at my face. I look in the mirror and see 2 inches of my forehead exposed. I pry it off again, and it starts to get very loose. Before I know it, it is just sheet of stretched out rubber and the holes for the eyes and nose are missing. 

I start to get anxious as I know it’s almost time for the audition. Frantically, I try to rip new holes in the mask for my eyes and mouth, but nothing is working out. Then I woke up.